The topic of extramarital affairs is a controversial one, clouded by moral judgments, societal norms, and the potential to cause harm. However, in the quest to understand human behavior and relationships more fully, it’s essential to approach such topics with an open mind. While most discussions emphasize the negative impact of affairs, some theories suggest that, from a psychological standpoint, they might serve as a boost to a man’s self-esteem. This article delves into this perspective while acknowledging the broader implications.

1. The ego boost:

One of the foremost reasons men might be drawn to affairs is the sense of validation they receive. In long-term relationships or marriages, partners often take each other for granted. The initial phase of attraction, where each partner actively seeks approval and validation, wanes over time. An affair, particularly in its early stages, can replicate this initial phase of a relationship, where the man feels desired and validated.

2. Novelty and adventure:

Routine can lead to feelings of stagnation in life. An affair can inject a sense of adventure, breaking the monotony. This new experience, with all its associated risks and thrill, can lead to an adrenaline rush. This heightened sense of living on the edge can serve as a significant boost to self-esteem, making a man feel more alive and vibrant.

3. Reclaiming lost youth:

For some men, particularly those going through a midlife crisis, an affair can symbolize a return to youth. Being with a new partner, especially if they are significantly younger, allows them to relive the days of their past, offering an escape from the reality of aging and its associated fears. This can lead to a temporary boost in self-esteem.

4. Affirmation of masculinity:

Cultural norms often tie a man’s worth to his virility and ability to attract partners. Even if these notions are outdated, they still permeate societal thinking. For some men, having an affair can serve as a testament to their masculinity, reaffirming their position as a desirable individual.

5. An outlet for unfulfilled desires:

Sometimes, long-term relationships fall into patterns where partners’ needs, especially emotional and physical desires, remain unfulfilled. An affair can provide an outlet for these suppressed desires. When these needs are met, even temporarily, it can lead to an increase in self-worth and confidence.

The broader implications and consequences:

While the reasons above might explain why some men feel a boost in self-esteem due to affairs, it’s crucial to address the broader consequences:

1. Temporary elevation vs. Long-term fallout:

Any boost in self-esteem that an affair provides is often temporary. The initial phases of attraction and novelty eventually give way to the realization of the potential consequences, leading to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and stress.

2. Potential harm to primary relationship:

Engaging in an affair inherently involves deceit. When infidelity comes to light, it can irreparably damage trust within a primary relationship or marriage. The pain and betrayal felt by the unsuspecting partner can have long-lasting effects on their own self-esteem and mental well-being.

3. Moral and ethical considerations:

Individuals’ morals and ethics vary, but many view fidelity as a cornerstone of commitment. Engaging in an affair can lead to inner conflict, especially for those who view their actions as a breach of their moral code.

4. Emotional complications:

While some affairs might start as purely physical engagements, emotions inevitably come into play. Managing feelings for multiple partners can lead to increased stress and complications, negating any temporary boost in self-esteem.

5. Potential for personal loss:

Beyond the emotional and psychological consequences, affairs can lead to tangible losses, including the breakdown of families, loss of mutual friends, financial complications in the event of divorce, and the potential for public humiliation.


Affairs, like many other aspects of human behavior, are multi-faceted and complex. While they might offer a temporary boost to a man’s self-esteem for the reasons mentioned, the broader implications cannot be ignored. Emotional well-being and self-worth are deeply intertwined with the quality of relationships and the integrity of one’s actions.

Rather than seeking external validation through affairs, it might be more constructive to address the root causes of diminished self-esteem. This could involve open communication with one’s partner, seeking therapy, or engaging in personal development activities. After all, genuine self-esteem is built on a foundation of self-respect and authentic connections, not fleeting moments of validation.